Sometimes when I think back on my experiences I remember things that really did not happen along with things that really did happen. It kind of discourages me to think that my mind tricked me. One time when we went camping with my little sisters this voice contacted me. It was a mean voice. I looked out the window and it said that is me... I am a rapist. I am going to come after your sisters and hurt them. As you could imagine this really scared me. I remember believing the voice.
Another time I was tricked, I was at Lagoon. My family where talking to me through my thoughts,. my older brother Matthew was doing surgery. They were not really there but they talked to me. They were always mad at me when they would contact me in this way. It was frustrating to me because they were my family and would treat me with anger.... I also remember looking back and thinking of some of the things are shared with Matthew while I was there. He seemed to understand me. I liked that, until I realized that none of this really took place.
It is good to know that people I know and love don't treat me with so much disrespect. They respect and admire me. Sometimes I feel that everyone is out to get after me... but I don't see why, because after I actually talk to them the old fashion way, out loud, I can see that they are truly wonderful, that they do love and respect me. I think that I should stop thinking how bad someone will think of me rather look to myself with more understanding.
Even though I don't always have control of my thoughts I should not think that everyone is out to get after me for my mistakes. After all we are all human. Those mistakes is what makes us grow. There needs to be moderation in all things. I guess sometimes it is okay to recover, but it is best to work your best. If one thing is not working find something that is working.
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