Everything works out for your own good if you choose to follow what you know to be true in your heart. Everyone is taught different but one thing that we can always rely on is God. He talks to us when we are ready. He is ready when you are ready. Follow what you know to be best and everything will turn out best for you. I have been so blessed from God. I got the grades that I was hoping for. It is great to be able to be successful... although what maybe one persons success, what matters most is your own success. I was feeling bad that I didn't do was good as my sister in College, but in relaity my best is what I need to compare to. I may not be an A student but at least I am doing what is good for me. I am going to college and doing well enough that I don't need to retake any of my classes. they are all passing grades. even though i have had to deal with schizophrenia, I am still successful. It maybe a harder road, but I will graduate. I am deteremined to. things are getting easier. I have to just do what I can and trust in the lord to do the rest. sometimes it doesn't happen the way we expect it to... like i was going into photography,,, now i am going into graphic design and it is so much better. I wasn't getting good grades in photography so i changed to graphic design and it is so much more fun. only God knows us. he will take us to where we are most happiest..

The Lord is so much in my life. Some of the best advice I can ever give anyone is to go with what they truly feel inside,. My mom always taught me that if you want something to pray for it and you will see how God answers our prayers.

God puts us through what he knows we can handle. my mom then always makes the comment... I wish God didn't have so much faith in me.

God puts us through what he knows will make us stronger. He knows that by relying on him we will be able to get through that which makes us stronger. my grandpa used to say,, Me and Jesus. we are a team. God works for us.. He trains us. Tell him your graf and he will know what to do for you. somtimes it is best just to ask for his will to be done because we don't always know what is best for us...

Lord the shepherd of my soul make me thine. Make me thine. Lord of my soul make me yours. Teach me to be yours. Teach me to be yours. Teach me to follow and be a great disciple. I know I have challenges that both bring me closer and in ways brings me further. Teach me , Prune me, help me , keep me. Teach me to love like you love. Teach me to pray like you pray. Teach me love. Teach me peace. Teach me charity, but most of all love me, and I will be yours.

The holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion and thy scepter unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth and thy dominion and without computultry means it shall follow unto thee forever and ever.

Tell God

I prayed that God would take everything I was worrying and mom said for me to turn it into a prayer "Say what you just said with Heavenly Father ahead and amen behind." I did that my prayer was answered.

Things we all need to work on.

Be more confident in Christ's judgment. Don't feel so much inadequacy all of the time. Know that Christ will and can put us through. The more we go through the stronger we are. Christ hows we can do it, believe we can do it.

Things we all need to work on.

some strange things

Sometimes when I think back on my experiences I remember things that really did not happen along with things that really did happen. It kind of discourages me to think that my mind tricked me. One time when we went camping with my little sisters this voice contacted me. It was a mean voice. I looked out the window and it said that is me... I am a rapist. I am going to come after your sisters and hurt them. As you could imagine this really scared me. I remember believing the voice.

Another time I was tricked, I was at Lagoon. My family where talking to me through my thoughts,. my older brother Matthew was doing surgery. They were not really there but they talked to me. They were always mad at me when they would contact me in this way. It was frustrating to me because they were my family and would treat me with anger.... I also remember looking back and thinking of some of the things are shared with Matthew while I was there. He seemed to understand me. I liked that, until I realized that none of this really took place.

It is good to know that people I know and love don't treat me with so much disrespect. They respect and admire me. Sometimes I feel that everyone is out to get after me... but I don't see why, because after I actually talk to them the old fashion way, out loud, I can see that they are truly wonderful, that they do love and respect me. I think that I should stop thinking how bad someone will think of me rather look to myself with more understanding.

Even though I don't always have control of my thoughts I should not think that everyone is out to get after me for my mistakes. After all we are all human. Those mistakes is what makes us grow. There needs to be moderation in all things. I guess sometimes it is okay to recover, but it is best to work your best. If one thing is not working find something that is working.

I prayed that I would make it to the end of class before all of my group left. I did not feel well today. I felt allot of dizziness. I hope that I will be feeling better. I am trying to figure out what is going on. I missed both of my classes today. I have made it today to see my group. I also made it to get my body adjusted. I feel somewhat better. I have been scared of a couple of things, like not being able to get up in time. My husband has also gotten sick. Maybe I was affected by that. I remember thinking this morning that I was too dizzy to drive... Maybe next time I should just drive... I don't know if it is better to take time off when I feel sick or out of it... or whether to make it no matter what. I know I need to watch and not miss very many in any of my classes. I am feel better. I have been watching and listening things on schizophrenia. There are allot of things that person like me goes through all of the time. I noticed that today I was having troubles focusing. I have been sleeping too much lately or something because I am getting really tired again.

Here is a good video site
schizophrenia video

Then the thought arises, what are some of the ways that media can improve on portraying things differently? I think that maybe they can explain in a small explanation on how things are in real life. Possibly explain that this is the extreme and that this is part of the reality but much more is added. I think that maybe even though life was strange, maybe they can go and do their research and survey better to where they know what they are really trying to portray. I know that it is more interesting to so the struggles like that, but maybe make the point that this is how it is without medication or treatment.
I have gone through alot. There is help and much to be learned. Media isn’t always truthful. Not everyone knows this, but I know that what I see what I have been through, and overcome, schizophrenia has strengthened my character.
I am schizophrenic. I have a great personality. Yes, at one time it controlled me. Now I control my life in society. Some people treat me stupid, but I know I am who I am. My schizophrenia doesn’t control me; I control my life in society. I may never be how I was without it, but I will have my new gained strength. I do function in society. Media portrays schizophrenic people as crazy but we are better and, better off than it appears.

Bibliography
1. Therpist talk
2. Schizophernia.com
3. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/schizophernia/index.shtml
4. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/schizophernia/complete-publication.stml#pub5
5. http://cbdb.nimh.nih.gov/sibstudy/index.html
6. http://www/wacc/org.uk/wacc/publications/media_development/arch...
7. http://www.Icmedia.com/mind223.htm
8. http://www.dailycardinal.com/article/1135
9. http://www.nimh.gov /health/publications/schizophrenia/what-about-suicide.shtml
10. http://www.nimh.gov /health/publications/schizophrenia/what-causes-schizophrenia.shtml
11. http.//www.wacc.org.uk/wacc/publications/media.development/ach…

“Out of all prime time dramatic characters, 42% of the ‘normals’ are violent, but 70% of characters labeled as mentally ill are violent. Furthermore, 45% of the ‘normals’ but 75% of the mentally ill become victims of violence.(11)” We are definitely miss-taught on how it really is. It’s not so harmful. Medicine really helps a lot. It is a life saver. It got my personality back, and it got rid of most of the symptoms.
“Five percent of the ‘normals’ are killers and 3% are killed, but two out of ten of those characterized as mentally ill are killers and the same proportion are killed. That is four times the violence rate and six times the victimization rate of other characters.(11)” That isn’t fair to be labeled with what shows have shown as killers. No wonder when I first found out I had schizophrenia I was treated and felt poorly. I felt it was something bad. Every day I wanted a blessing (LDS you know, where they lay their hands on your head and tell you what God thinks of you and how he is going to help you if it is a healing blessing!)to make my pain, label, and symptoms go away. Media seems to show us no way out of the illusion, that it is just the way that it us and you can’t help it. You can help it, but even though it is true, it doesn’t give people permission to shove it in my face that it is not real because it does seem real.
“The sense of danger is constantly reinforced by the label ‘ex-mental,’ attached usually to violent and bizarre behaviour.(11)” If you believe the media, and your mentally ill. You probably have a low self-esteem. I would. I did.
“Finally, the image of mental illness usually contains a touch of evil.(11)” Really mental illness isn’t evil. It is not my fault or any ones. It just means I have extra to deal with. We all have trials. This is mine…and blessing when it is better.

“When we first studied the portrayal of mental illness on television…it was pulling public conceptions in the opposite direction. The network agreed to moderate the medieval imagery, and even cautioned writers to avoid the term ‘crazy’ unless really warranted. Than came the success of the Physo, and the guidelines went out the window.” By the way Physo is a film or a movie they put out. They started out with what would be the perfect world, but it didn’t sale. We had to go the other extreme and mistreat the mental illnesses. That would be a good solution, but I guess it didn’t sale so it all went out the window.
“The typical viewer of prime time television drama sees an average of three characters labeled mentally ill each week, one in about every 11 programmes.(11)” Many are labeled and miss thought of because of the labels on T.V. We need help with the labels and on surviving as a mentally ill person in this country.
“That total environment, rather than occasional and selectively used stories and programmes, affects most of what we think and do.(11)” We have interpretations and media telling us how to think. We should get educated about things and not just trust the media. We should then be able to make better judgments on how things really are.
“Portrayals of mental illness pervading that environment cultivate some of the most damaging images of our culture. As long as that persists, even the best and most successful campaigns will fail to change the stigma and fear of mental illness.(11)” So once the label has stuck we have troubles changing how the world sees mental illnesses. This should be looked into being changed. They should teach the truth.
“This lopsided ‘victimization ratio’ cultivates a sense of vulnerability and dependence characteristic of powerlessness. Mentally ill characters are both violent and the most victimized single group on television, and not much different in other major media. Furthermore, violence and retribution are shown as inherent in the illness itself and thus inescapable.(11)” It is not fair to be taught that we are not able to succeed just because of a mental illness. Not fair.

“Most of what we know does not come from personal experience. The world we know best is the world of stories we tell. Today most o these stories are mass-produced.(11)” We learn from our parents and things we do in the home. Lots of what is on the television is just judgment and stereotype. What sells is what’s played. Somewhere on there they should say that it’s not how most people with mental illnesses should act like. Maybe say, this is to the extreme, but here it is.
“Far away places and faces animate our imagination and guide our actions. Images of mental illness in the mass media cultivate some of our most distorted and damaging assumptions. (11)”Like that there is no escape or no way out is an illusion. Yes at first it seems that way but not always.
“Television does not replace other media or monopolize culture but reorganizes it to its own image…It is the first medium that displaces the parent, the school, and the church in telling stories about life and the world to children.(11)” People everywhere are exposed to media. Even more than you think. This affects our thoughts and interpretations. I used to think that the media had no effect on me, but I learned it really has affected me. Catchy radio commercials stick with us and other things to our interest.
“It must attract audiences to sell to advertisers. Therefore, it must present life in saleable package, catering to the tastes, assumptions, and prejudices of the largest number of viewers. The image of mental illness, and of everything else, must by and large conform-with notable exceptions-to marketing rather than artistic, educational or therapeutic purposes.(11)” They do what they can to help get more money and do what sales. They once tried with the rules, but it is not what sold. We are put in this situation because of the audiences.

“Fear of the ‘mental illness’ label keeps many people from seeking out needed treatment…even among the very health care organization(7)” I noticed that the doc who diagnosed me started treating me like I was stupid and that I didn’t know what I was talking about, this could possibly be the cause of media influence. I know that this is harder to overcome once it is labeled how it is, but it gives no one any right to think that they are better than you. All it means is that they have an extra thing or struggle or thing, to overcome.
This doc “She found that in the past fifty years Americans have become more likely to identify the cause of mental illness as chemical imbalances.(7)” Before they found that out, many people were sent to the mental hospital and locked up. They thought that there was no solution to mental illnesses, and that these people harmed and endangered themselves.
Many people are scared of fears and violence from mentally ill people. Since people see on the media how bad mental illnesses can be, they know a little about it. “Americans express reluctance to have someone with a mental illness participate in their work places or marry into their families.(7)” If you believe the media, then no wonder it is so scary for them. In the Secret Window, the guy who was mentally ill killed his wife. How encouraging is that?
“Television and movies are rife with images of the crazed killer and ‘escape mental patient…Rarely are people with mental illnesses portrayed as having families, jobs, or being part of a larger community.(7)” News focuses more on negative than positive because it is more exciding that a mentally ill person did this than other people who doesn’t have an mental illness.
“When crimes are committed by someone with a mental illness the stories are more likely to be covered and more often given prominent placement.(7)” The mentally ill are often recognized as their illness rather than the people themselves. If a mental illness is not treated it can be what helped drive them, but when treated they don’t have to deal with all the problems they would otherwise have to deal with.

Often, people who know about the illness are less scared than those who are taught by the media. “On the other hand, when asked about ‘mentally ill,’ the public is likely to respond with sharply negative feelings, including fear of violence and unpredictability.(7)” Somewhere I heard that people are scared of the unknown. If you are scared of someone who is mentally ill, maybe you should read and look up on the internet about it. This will educate you to where you will know how to deal with what I need to deal with. You will know what to look for. It is even suggested to write a journal about that person so that you can help him find the resources that are needed. Just to fill your curiosity, or to know more about a realitive with a mental illness you can research it and learn what they are really dealing with.
Did you know that “Only a small percentage of violent crimes are committed by people with mental illnesses, and the vast majority of people with mental illnesses are not violent.(7)” The media seems to suggest that, if you have a mental illness, you will harm yourself or others. This is not true. Although some are this way, the media likes to create a problem. The craziness is more exciting to viewers then the everyday usual. Find out for yourself what is true. I thought that I was less valuable because I had a mental illness. Not true, my family often tells me that it makes me be better, because I have had more to go through. The more trials I go through the better I am after I overcome it. But I have since found that I am a strong -willed person because I have overcome it.

first of story... follow backward from here until the sites on the end

Often, people who know about the illness are less scared than those who are taught by the media. “On the other hand, when asked about ‘mentally ill,’ the public is likely to respond with sharply negative feelings, including fear of violence and unpredictability.(7)” Somewhere I heard that people are scared of the unknown. If you are scared of someone who is mentally ill, maybe you should read and look up on the internet about it. This will educate you to where you will know how to deal with what I need to deal with. You will know what to look for. It is even suggested to write a journal about that person so that you can help him find the resources that are needed. Just to fill your curiosity, or to know more about a realitive with a mental illness you can research it and learn what they are really dealing with.
Did you know that “Only a small percentage of violent crimes are committed by people with mental illnesses, and the vast majority of people with mental illnesses are not violent.(7)” The media seems to suggest that, if you have a mental illness, you will harm yourself or others. This is not true. Although some are this way, the media likes to create a problem. The craziness is more exciting to viewers then the everyday usual. Find out for yourself what is true. I thought that I was less valuable because I had a mental illness. Not true, my family often tells me that it makes me be better, because I have had more to go through. The more trials I go through the better I am after I overcome it. But I have since found that I am a strong -willed person because I have overcome it.

“People with schizophrenia can take an active role in managing their own illness. Once they learn the basic facts about schizophrenia and the principles of schizophrenia treatment, they can make informed decisions about their care.(3)” I have gained strong control over my thoughts. If I don’t want to hear it, I block it out. I tell myself I don’t want that again so I don’t even dwell on it. Eventually it goes away and the right pills help me increase my control.
“The cognitive therapist teaches people with schizophrenia how to test the reality of their thoughts and perceptions, how to ‘not listen’ to their voices, and how to shake off the apathy that often immobilizes them.(3)” It really helps me to test it by asking my husband about the reality. I know that my husband tells me the truth. These thoughts get stronger when I listen to them, and they get weaker when I don’t pay any attention to them. I have learned how to deal with it. These are some to the defense that I have used over the years of my schizophrenia.
Mental Illness and Media
“Mental illness and the Media… In today’s program we explore the links between the mainly negative portrayals of people with mental illnesses in the media and widespread discrimination against those affected by these illnesses.(7)” The media is good at taking the extremes and portraying to the public that this is how a mentally ill person acts.
As a side note…Yes, some movies do play the role correctly, but treatment makes life easier dealing with these traits than you would think it would seem. When I am watching a movie that has some symptoms right they seem harder to deal with. There are times when they don’t play the emotions as strong as real life. They are more entwined, more involved with your senses. Although when I was convinced that I didn’t have it the voices would tell me that if I had it they had it too because they were talking to me in the same realm that I was communicating with them. So even though they discovered it, I followed the doctors because I was told to, later I learned that the voices were just voices even though they still seem real. Sometimes I would go to this person who would see these spirits with me. She would cast them out of me and would also have my dad use the priesthood to remove them from me. Sometimes it would take several tries before they would be cast out. Now, looking back, I wonder, if it was both spirits and the illness, because I got more control over my body with meds tells me that maybe it was both, maybe they came to me because I they could tell that I was struggling, so they helped me out (like Satan’s followers do) by giving me less control over my own body.

“People respond individually to antipsychotic medications, although agitation and hallucinations usually improve within days and delusions usually improve within a few weeks… No one can tell beforehand exactly how a medication will affect a particular individual, and sometimes several medications must be tried before the right one is found.(3)” Although the medication process is discouraging, except when you find ones that work, it is worth how good life can be again. I really never want to go through the old drugs I did, and new ones that didn’t work, but I am loving life with what I have now. I know how hard life can be with out schizophrenia treated. It really scares me when people tell me to get off my medication. I went through so much with being drugged and different symptoms. There is no way I want to go through that again. I know how important it is to take them. I will never know how long I will need them but at this point the meds and medical friends are the answer.
“People with schizophrenia should work in partnership with their doctors to find the medications that control their symptoms best with the fewest side effects.(3)” Not only do you work with them, you get to play an important role with your doctor and improve your symptoms. They told me there was over twenty-seven drugs when I was first diagnosed. This means that you are not just taking drugs and finding out. It means that I myself tell them the difference. I try the doses and I help my doctor by telling her my various feelings. They normally tell me that I should try this and, if it works, take more, but if it feels worse take less. If that doesn’t lesson my symptoms then the doc will have me try something else. This is the only way; they get you better with today’s technology. It is important to trust the doctor to make it better.
“Learning and using coping mechanisms to address these problems allows people with schizophrenia to attend school, work, and socialize.(3)” I am not alone: there is help and hope. I can and have done well. I have learned how to survive, and I strongly believe that medication and treatment are the answer. The hard life was improved and I need to keep focus on what’s important.

The key to treatment is “eliminating the symptoms of the disease.(3)” At this point, they have found no cure to this illness, but (luckily) the symptoms are lessoned. “The older medications can cause extra pyramidal side effects, such as rigidity, persistent muscle spasms, tremors and restlessness.(3)” These are some of the things that I went through when I was going through the drug cycle trying to find the best combinations to improve my situations. I remember one time my brother would try to get me to stop moving; other times I would go to sleep and move my leg uncontrollably all night long. I would have troubles falling asleep and wake up with really sore muscles. This would really bother me and worried me. It even got so bad that my handwriting was affected by it. Different people in my head were controlling my handwriting. I was continuing in school and I had to read the small shaky writing to my teachers and others around because it wasn’t readable. I sure loved my handwriting for the fact that it was my own when they no longer had control.

Another thing they bring up as a symptom is movement disorders. I lived with a lot of movement that I had no control over. I could stop some of them, and others I gave up on. When this first started I felt that someone was caring for me because they would move my body into positions where it would not hurt anymore. Later, I wanted to control my body, even though it taught me that I didn’t have to hurt so much. I felt that around me in this realm in my head controlling my body and violating me through my body. “People who have it may hear voices, see things that aren’t there or believe that others are reading or controlling their minds.(3)” I think this does a good job of explaining… but knowing this it makes me wonder, like I used to wonder, what really is controlling my body when I feel that I am not. Is it the other half of my brain that I have no control over, or what? Still with what is known today, doctors don’t know much about schizophrenia. It still has lots of mysteries.
“People with schizophrenia attempt suicide much more often than people in general population.(9)” Sometimes I was scared because I was being told how to kill myself. It got so bad that I was scared to be by myself. I was afraid that from someone who could control me, would kill me in the night. I also remember that I once saw found no way out; I was so close to killing myself. I wanted to be closer to Jesus so I was about to run my car into the oncoming traffic and also so I could control myself better. The only thing that stopped me was that I felt a stronger, deeper, feeling that it was not the answer to my problems. Since then I have got more pills, and the last time that I was told to kill myself, I just told the voice to shut up.
“Some people who abuse drugs show symptoms similar to those of schizophrenia, and people with schizophrenia may be mistaken for people who are high on drugs… People with schizophrenia are addicted to nicotine at three times the rate of the general population(9)” I have often wondered why anyone would want to take drugs and feel this way. I do remember that earlier on I was being told to smoke, because it would soothe my brain instead of all the anxiety. But to tell you the truth, if I had listened I would have been worse off. “Quitting smoking may be especially difficult for people with schizophrenia since nicotine withdrawal may cause their psychotic symptoms to temporarily get worse.(9)” It is scary to think that something like getting away from the smoking would make your symptoms worsen.

“Affective flattening-blank, blunted facial expression or less lively facial movements, flat voice (lack of normal intonations and variance) or physical movements… Inappropriate social skills or lack of interest or ability to socialize with other people(2)” At one time, we were at a fast and testimony meeting in church; someone said they were struggling and then I laughed. Inside my head was some other power that made me laugh, and my family was embarrassed by me. They got after me for something I felt I had no control over.
“Other symptoms… definitional alone include… (pacing, rocking)(2)” I used to study while I walked but I don’t know if I had this symptom before I being schizophrenic. Now it is easier to concentrate sitting still. I am not as restless as I used to be. I also used to always move. And now I move on my own free will.
“Negative Symptoms of Schizophrenia … Avolition … (examples of avolition included: no longer interested in going out and meeting with friends, no longer interested in activities that the person used to show enthusiasm for, no longer interested in much of anything, sitting in the house for many hours a day doing nothing.)(2)” Often, when I get discouraged, my dad tells me that I am doing good. He tells me that I could be in the mental hospital sitting and rocking in my rocking chair talking to everything, but I am not. I am a senior in college and working, which is better than many people experience who are schizophrenic. This helps me put things into perspective. It also reminds me how far I have come. Just to clear things up, I never did go to the mental hospital because instead my family took me in and dealt with me.
Now that you know some of the symptoms of schizophrenia, I would like to go through what the internet describes as schizophrenia. “Schizophrenia is a chronic, severe, and disabling brain disorder that affects about 1.1 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year. People with schizophrenia sometimes hear voices others don’t hear, believe that others are broadcasting their thoughts to the world.(3)” I remember I used to talk to Matthew and other siblings while I was gone to Lagoon. I remember where I had some of the conversations when I think of Lagoon and many other places. I can see why they feel like their thoughts are broadcasted to the world. I personally have heard responses to my thoughts answered. At one time I felt that the people around me know what I was struggling with just because I felt that they could listen in to my mind. I would see different people that I knew in my mind, and I thought that they really had that connection in my mind.
But if you think about it, it could be really scary. I remember this one time when I was looking at someone. In my mind I heard them threaten me that they were going to hurt one of my siblings. This made me scared for my family. Yes, it only was in my head, but I still feels real.

Other times, I normally would meet the people who had died. Like I would hear that that Geri Stucki died, the next thing I knew, Geri Stucki was there me it was her. One thing that I noticed by these people was they would be the same way that I had known them in real life. They were always playing my perspective. This confused me, I would see them in my head the same way I remembered them. When they were still alive I also would talk telepathically in my head. I had both alive and dead people’s spirits talking and hanging out with me. They would control my body. Sometimes making me unable to do basic things, such as go to the restroom. My dad told me that they could only captivate one body at a time. They normally had something against me. Then I would change their opinion about me so that they thought I was more special and see that I cared a lot about each of them.
“Auditory (hearing voices that other people can’t hear. (2)” I felt this all the time. Sometimes I will still see things and hear things, but life is getting to be less loud in my head. Sometimes, when I hear a lot of noises in the background, it reminds me of how far I’ve come. I never want to go back through this again, but I don’t regret it.
“lack of emotion- the inability to enjoy regular activities (visiting with friends, etc.) as much as before(2)” I would distance myself from everyone except the people in my imaginary world. Some of the people in the world were always talking to me also.
“Low energy- the person tends to sit around and sleep much more than normal(2)” I was always out of energy, and I had no desire to change that. I guess sometimes I would be tired of that but most of the time I would want to sleep. At the time I didn’t want to loose contact with my passed on grandma.
“Lack of interest in life, low motivation(2)” I got so I didn’t care if I lived or if I died. It felt like I was passing from world to world- life was to close to death I still don’t know what was true. I wasn’t scared of death and I got tried of living being so hard for me. But now I am glad that I am still alive.

“Delusions of grandeur- for example, when you believe that you are very special or have special powers or abilities (2).” I felt that I knew how to speak every language, and that I was special and chosen by God to suffer like Jesus suffered. I even would try to stop people in my head from killing themselves. I even dragged myself up fourteen stairs and over to my room without anyone knowing about it. I felt I was temporarily paralyzed. I felt I had to experience everything. I had such a heavy burden to carry; it was such a relief to me to drop that burden and go back to only worrying about my own life. I remember talking to some that I know earlier in life that had killed themselves would come to me for me to make it right in their lives.
“Visual (seeing things that are not there or that other people cannot see)(2),” I was always seeing snakes talking to me. I even saw a lot of Indians and other types of people come and talk to me. I have talked to Sojourner Truth, Chief Joseph, Martin Luther King Jr., Joseph Smith Jr. and other people who struggled in the beginnings of this country. Some of the people come and are the way that I imagined them, but sometimes they are meaner. Disrespectful toward me until they get to know me better. The way that I am taught of what they have been through and that is what they add to.
For example, I even met a slave girl who wanted me to suffer and she made the lights in the house go on and off. She was an evil spirit who tried to scare me. She would also help me have troubles mowing and doing my work. I would talk often to her in my head. In my minds’ eye she made my tire fall off while I was mowing. This brought more struggle. She would help me imagine how life would have been for her as a slave who was most definitely mistreated. And then I would hear her master yelling at her. I also got some indication that she was raped by him.

Many people who deal with schizophrenia, have mastered how to deal with everyday life, so people don’t even know that they are struggling. Media, such as the movie called Secret Window, shows a negative, view like most media. In the Secret Window, the main character plays this part where he is constantly talking to himself and even later going so crazy that he takes a person’s life. This is how the media portrays people with schizophrenia. Since this is what people are shown, like me at the beginning, people only see the extreme and those who are not successfully on medications. Maybe educate them about true effects of the illnesses.
“Another issue is that a person with schizophrenia may be paranoid or believe that nothing is wrong with them, and therefore may not want to go and see a doctor.(2)” The only reason I went to the doctor in the first place was because I was hurting everywhere. My family brought me in. Even for a while after medication, I didn’t truly know I was Schizophrenic. The voices in my head kept on saying things like, “If you are Schizophrenic then we are too.” It was expensive because I had to pay for it, but later I got Medicaid so now it is all paid for. Even though it was hard, the steps that followed were worth gaining a better, controlled, happier life.
“The diagnosis of schizophrenia, according to DSM-IV, requires a least 1-month duration of two or more positive symptoms, unless hallucinations or delusions are especially bizarre, in which case one alone suffices for diagnosis.(2)” I was hallucinating so much that I would talk to everything else instead of talking to my family. My family was really concerned and scared. They really cared even though, at times, I didn’t see it. I would even go out of my way to not be with my family, which is way out of my natural character. The Schizophrenia changed me, at this time for the worse.
“Somatic Delusions are false beliefs about your body- for example that a terrible illness exists or that something foreign is inside or passing through your body.(2)” I was once convinced I was experiencing everything everyone else has been through so that I would understand what everyone was going through, like Jesus does. Yes, I understand more because of what I have been through, but not everything. Now that I look back, I feel it is very important to not be angry at myself because I fell for my delusions.

some of the sympotmes

Schizophrenia video
What effect does media have on people’s views of mental illnesses? Most of the time, the media makes a “harsh reality” around people with mental illnesses. Often, people known to have mental illnesses are shown as dangerous. Yes this makes it harder to think straight but, with medication, things are easier. There are more people who are Schizophrenic than you think! An estimated 1% of people worldwide are affected, as I am, with schizophrenia.
Some of the things that schizophrenic people deal with are “People diagnosed with schizophrenia usually experience a combination of positive (i.e. hallucinations, delusions, racing thoughts), and negative (i.e. apathy, lack of emotion, poor or nonexistent social functioning), and cognitive (disorganized thoughts, difficulty concentrating and/or following instructions, difficulty completing tasks, memory problems.(2)” Although a lot of weird things go on, people do have help to deal with this. The hardest time is the experimenting and the beginning point when you first want to do something about it. There are many different ways that the media portray schizophrenic people.
I am used to the struggles that I go through. I know what I’ve overcome and how I have succeeded, but is this enough? Do people really help or do I surrender, and give up being normal, and quit because I am asked? Some treat me with respect. Others shun me. Does society and people in society really know everything like they act? No, they don’t. I didn’t. I have before tried to end a relationship with that simple fact that I had a mental illness. I was convinced that I was a worse person because I was mentally ill. But it just deepens my reality and deepens what I deal with. It helps me have sympathy for others with mental illnesses. It makes me wonder who else is better off because of their illness.

Now my counselor told me to start standing up for myself. I guess that means as well as controling what comes into my mind, he wants me to control what I take in. This would and won't be the place to start. I need to get my self-esteem better so that it won't bother me. I started to hear the voices again and they were making Jesus dark... when Jesus isn't dark... this bothered me. There are things that I learn to deal with. I would like to be less tired from the medication, and less voices. I don't want more voices, but I want to have more energy. The Schizophrenia and medications make me more sleepy.

Life may be hard, but it is worth it, that is a phrase that we often hear. It is so true. I am so lucky that I am still alive. Did you know that up to one-third of the people that commit suicide are schizophrenics. I almost did, but I changed my mind. I am grateful that I did. Life has led me to new challenges. Sometimes as I think of the things I have been through, I wonder why does God have so much faith in me. I have high hopes for the future. I am happily married, this is the best marriage I have ever had (only marriage).
Life did get better. I can fully function now. I no longer follow all the voices I hear because I know it is not really a real thing. I do believe that I still have the Holy Ghost talking to me though. I am learning more and more. I am thankful for my trials. I would never want to live through them again, but I believe that God knows what he is doing. MY dad says that everything we go through is no accident.
I believe that we are made better from our trials.

With my handcap I am still successful

It doesn't matter your handycap some how God will get you through. Everyone's mission is different. I have almost finished college. I look forward to graduation. My handcap slowed me down, but it didn't stop me from progressing. I have four more classes left until I graduate. I have a wonderful PSR (phyco social rehab) and my anti-phyctic doctor have changed my life. They have not only made my life back to the way it was when I was not Schizophrenic, they also helped me get as far as I have gotten in school. I have had the available resources to help me through such as tutors. I will complete my schooling in one year. Then I plan to further help others with mental illnesses to be successful. I look forward to becoming a PSR worker after graduation. I also have skills with graphic design and photography. I can go with those areas and get quite a variety. I will go with the flow and see where God takes me.

There is much to learn in life

Even though life is hard, there is much to learn. Everyone is sent here to learn. I caught on faster when I am learning it for a second time. As I have gotten closer to God I have learned that he is there for me. I know he carries me. I ask him for his help and because of him I can be schizophrenic and not go crazy. I have found such a strength in my trials. He makes life better than I could ever make my life. Some of the ideas that Schizophrenia descieved was that I had telepathy. This made me very trapped. Everyone would get in my body and do what they please. It was so irritating because I wanted to be the one who chose how my body moved. It was hard. God healed me. First I had to find some medications that brought that nightmare away. Later they found more and that medication that worked I no longer take. I still have the control over my body.

Because I haven't always had control I learned how great it is to control my own body. I learned what a great blessing it is to make our own mistakes, and our own success. I not only quite listening to them, I also got my agency back. I can follow my own thoughts, and the holy ghost. I am learning that Jesus does not make you handicaped.

Jeremy and my wedding

As you can see I am from a large family... my schizophrenia affected everyone around me. I felt they were communicating through my mind but later when I see them in person they would not talk about it. Finally I one day asked my husband if he talked to me through this way... he did not make me feel stupied he just told me the truth. The truth was I hadn't talked to him that way. I knew I could trust him. And I can.

if you what to find evidence

Schizophrenia.com
Here are many examples of the unique things I live through... not everything applies... but it is a category... I give life lessons and examples of it...

I am schizophrenic

How can someone with such uniqueness, be able to fit in such a category and fit. Some of the unique things that go on in everyday life vary, but if you don't know you are schizophrenic, you believe the voices. One thing they may convince you of is your carry a job like Jesus does... sure you have your own mission. But I was convinced that I lived for the suicides... that my life was to rescue them from that misfortune of death from suicide. It was like Jesus because he rescues us from our sins.
It was an overwhelming job. Everyone was depressed, telling you how bad you were after telling you how good you were.
Even though at first they were telling you positive, unbelievable things that were you... later they always would tell you how awful you were. How you mess up and have no control over it.
These voices never love you. They make you follow because you want their friendship...but they are not human. they tell you that they are your friend when they constantly tell you how to kill yourself.
Thank goodness it was a lie... they are heartless. We have the chose what to listen too, Even I do.

what have you learned through your trials

Our trials is what makes us stronger. We learn from them. We gain compassion. Jesus learned how to help us by living through what we live through. Who better to understand you than your Creator? Sometimes you learn more about you. Sometimes you see how you go through your life on top, even when you are struggling. Some things that are suggested is to write a journal. I like to write things on how God has helped me. This helps me see God in my life. It also shows me physically that everything that is happening is not permanent.

Schizophrenia

Have you ever wondered what a life of schizophrenia would be like. There is so much that a person thinks in the head that no one would ever know of except they tell you. you can look at someone and worry that they are thinking negative about you... but in reality are they even thinking about you at all, or are they thinking good about you. You never know until you ask and you get an honest answer.
Schizophrenia sometimes deceives me. It would tell me what everyone was thinking and what they asking me, telepathy. Can you really talk to people through your thoughts? Some evidence this was not really a person I was talking to is that when you would talk to that person who you thought you were talking to in you mind, they will have no idea of any of it... everyone will not admit to it or tell.