“Affective flattening-blank, blunted facial expression or less lively facial movements, flat voice (lack of normal intonations and variance) or physical movements… Inappropriate social skills or lack of interest or ability to socialize with other people(2)” At one time, we were at a fast and testimony meeting in church; someone said they were struggling and then I laughed. Inside my head was some other power that made me laugh, and my family was embarrassed by me. They got after me for something I felt I had no control over.
“Other symptoms… definitional alone include… (pacing, rocking)(2)” I used to study while I walked but I don’t know if I had this symptom before I being schizophrenic. Now it is easier to concentrate sitting still. I am not as restless as I used to be. I also used to always move. And now I move on my own free will.
“Negative Symptoms of Schizophrenia … Avolition … (examples of avolition included: no longer interested in going out and meeting with friends, no longer interested in activities that the person used to show enthusiasm for, no longer interested in much of anything, sitting in the house for many hours a day doing nothing.)(2)” Often, when I get discouraged, my dad tells me that I am doing good. He tells me that I could be in the mental hospital sitting and rocking in my rocking chair talking to everything, but I am not. I am a senior in college and working, which is better than many people experience who are schizophrenic. This helps me put things into perspective. It also reminds me how far I have come. Just to clear things up, I never did go to the mental hospital because instead my family took me in and dealt with me.
Now that you know some of the symptoms of schizophrenia, I would like to go through what the internet describes as schizophrenia. “Schizophrenia is a chronic, severe, and disabling brain disorder that affects about 1.1 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year. People with schizophrenia sometimes hear voices others don’t hear, believe that others are broadcasting their thoughts to the world.(3)” I remember I used to talk to Matthew and other siblings while I was gone to Lagoon. I remember where I had some of the conversations when I think of Lagoon and many other places. I can see why they feel like their thoughts are broadcasted to the world. I personally have heard responses to my thoughts answered. At one time I felt that the people around me know what I was struggling with just because I felt that they could listen in to my mind. I would see different people that I knew in my mind, and I thought that they really had that connection in my mind.
But if you think about it, it could be really scary. I remember this one time when I was looking at someone. In my mind I heard them threaten me that they were going to hurt one of my siblings. This made me scared for my family. Yes, it only was in my head, but I still feels real.